One of those Chris Youngs is still at it, paralyzing poor Portland in the pits of the standings. I wonder if you can pick the guilty Chris Young out of the following lineup:
| EFL | ||||||
| Team | Wins | Losses | Pct. | GB | RS | RA |
| Haviland Dragons | 76 | 39 | .662 | — | 580.5 | 411.2 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 74 | 42 | .636 | 2.8 | 581.1 | 438.0 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 67 | 47 | .588 | 8.5 | 543.4 | 454.9 |
| Peshastin Pears | 63 | 52 | .544 | 13.5 | 491.1 | 449.1 |
| Cottage Cheese | 61 | 53 | .535 | 14.6 | 482.3 | 446.9 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 61 | 55 | .526 | 15.6 | 552.0 | 524.1 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 52 | 63 | .450 | 24.3 | 587.3 | 654.7 |
| Kaline Drive | 50 | 65 | .431 | 26.5 | 448.2 | 520.4 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 41 | 72 | .367 | 33.6 | 442.8 | 588.5 |
Haviland: DNP, 5 – 1. .375, .423, .750; 0.7 ip, 1 er. Kyle Schwarber is amazing — .750, .800, 2.250 yesterday with 3 for 4 and two homers and a walk. Just another outstanding rookie for next year’s draft. For all the trouble he’s causing, Chris Young the OF could only manage an 0 for 1. Not worth it, Chris!
Old Detroit: L, 10 – 12. .421, .522, .632; 10 ip, 12 er. So 23 plate appearances of 1.153 OPS isn’t enough to overcome 10 innings of terrible pitching.
Pittsburgh: L, 1 – 6. .115, .250, .308; 16.0 ip, 8 er. Mike Trout injured his wrist a few days ago, which I guess explains his spotty performances this month. Like yesterday — he only went 1 for three with a double and two walks, just a piddly 1.267 OPS. Lance Lynn quadruple chulked (0.7 ip, 3 er) to keep the Alleghenys from rising.
Peshastin: W, 4 – 3. .194, .265, .387; 8 ip, 4 er. I don’t know what stands out for the Pears from yesterday’s performances. Any thoughts, Phil?
Cottage: “W”, 8 – 11. .217, .250, .217; 13.7 ip, 12 er. Who can you trust? Should you be able to emulate the Alleghenys with confidence? But copying Allegheny hitting yesterday was not a good idea. And if the A’s can’t be trusted, then surely you should be wary of copying the Wolverines — especially yesterday’s pitching. It’s time, O Cheese, to find your own style of play rather than mimic others.
Flint Hill” W, 10 – 6. .462, .556, .769; 0 ip, 0 er. Speaking of finding one’s own style, consider the Tornados. Who needs pitching with that kind of hitting? Everyone had a nice day for Flint Hill yesterday — well, except for Alex Guerrero, of course, who went 0 for 1, Chris Young style.
Canberra: W 2, L (-1); 12 – 5. .714, .759, 1.214; 0 ip, 0 er. Another practitioner of pitching-less baseball. Only this team wasn’t saddled with Alex Guerrero’s mystifying lack of production. And Billy Hamilton went 4 for 4 with as many homers as stolen bases (1 each).
Kaline: W 1, L (-1); 5 – 0. .550, .550, 1.050. 0 ip, 0 er. The third team in a row to maul the other pitchers so badly they win without any pitchers of their own. That man, Jr., Mr. Mitch Moreland (I mean, he’s not Welington Castillo, just one of his disciples) went 4 for 4 with a double and a homer. This must be a bloody spectacle to watch.
Portland: DNP, 0 – 0, still frozen in carbonite.
I notice that the Pears are distressingly close to 6th place. Ack! Why can’t they fix Devon Travis?
I was thinking the Wolverines were distressingly close to 6th place.