The Really Big One

The New Yorker published last month an article describing the devastation Oregon and Washington will suffer when the Cascadia Subduction Zone finally snaps. The  resulting earthquake could be 9.2 on the Richter scale, more powerful than the one in Japan that led to a nuclear meltdown. According to the regional FEMA director, “everything west of Interstate 5 will be toast.”

Big deal.  Everything east of I-5 is already toast after yesterday’s really big one.

 

Haviland: L, 4 – 7. .250, .313, .341;  13.3 ip, 8 er.  Some of you are inclined to scoff, I can tell, at my claim about everything east of I-5 being toast.  Haviland is east of I-5.  It’s still 2.7 game in front; that’s only a half-game cut in its lead from yesterday, a perfectly normal little daily vibration in the standings that strong leaders shrug off and ignore.  Sure, Chris Archer stank yesterday (5.3 ip, 7 er) but Johnny Cueto was overpowering (8 ip, 1 er), as he traditionally is for the Dragons.  Chris Correa went 2 for 3 with 2 walks to rack up a nice 1.467 daily OPS. What’s the big deal?

Old Detroit: “L”, 6 – 4. .333, .358, .627;  7 ip, 2 er.  Jackie Bradley, Jr. went 5 for 6 yesterday, with three doubles and two homers, one of them against the shell-shocked King Felix.  That’s 14 total bases.  That’s a 3.167 OPS for the day, 1.972 OPS for the week in 22 AB, 1.258 for the month in 40 AB.  This is Jackie Bradley the super-prospect who flopped and lost his job to people like Mookie Betts, Rusney Castillo, Shane Victorino, Hanley Ramirez, and other assorted nobodies. This is the Jackie Bradley thrown in as an afterthought to the Salazar-Bauer trade last winter.

This is the Jackie Bradley allocated at 0% this month to leave room in case Byron Buxton got activated in August.

Now some of you are guffawing at the idiocy of Wolverine management, condemned to sitting and watching Jackie Bradley’s Big One and getting zero benefit from it just because they allocated so timidly and with so little foresight.  But here’s the deal:  Christian Yelich, who hurt himself 5 days ago, finally went on the DL yesterday.  Wolverine management noticed it at 11:55.  By 11:59, Jackie Bradley was an active Wolverine! (This may be the highpoint in Wolverine management competency, ever.)

Yeah, sure, he’s only active at 48%. But the Richter scale is logarithmic. Correction: The Richter scale is archaic. The Moment Magnitude Scale (MMS) is logarithmic. If it were possible to insulate oneself from 48% of an earthquake’s power, you’d only reduce its rating by about 0.2 on the MMS. Your 9.2 becomes a 9.0.  You’re still toast, if slightly less browned.

Oh, come on, you’re saying now.  How big of a deal is this? The W’s didn’t even record a win!

Yes, but what Jackie Bradley did hasn’t been done in 125 years. He’s the first 25-year old #9 hitter to rack up 14 total bases and 7 RBI while going 5 for 6. He’s the first #9 hitter, and the first Red Sock, and the first Wolverine EVER to do this. Not Teddy Ballgame. Not Yastrzemski Ballgame. Not Giancarlo Stanton.

Maybe Haviland is still standing for the moment.  But that’s only because the tsunami has not yet reached Kansas.

Pittsburgh:  “L”, 6 – 4.  .326, .354, .500;  6 ip, 1 er.  The Alleghenys apparently felt the earth shaking and headed immediately for higher ground. Addison Russell, Stephen Piscotty, and Blake Swihart combined to go 9 for 12 with six doubles to produce their own seismic counter-wave. Mike Trout (0 for 3) is still missing, however, and until he demonstrates he has survived the Big One, the Alleghenys face a bleak future.

Cottage: W, 13 – 4. .389, .463,  .806;  1 ip, 0 er.  Which franchise is entirely located just west of I-5? And which franchise found itself suddenly transported an entire game closer to first in the standings, having magically passed two of its rivals in a geological instant? With a player (Pablo Sandoval) recording an even higher OPS (4.000) than Jackie Bradley in the same game, albeit in only two plate appearances?  When the Cascadia Subduction Zone goes, Cottage will be toast, but when it’s the Jackie Bradley, Jr., Breakout Zone, the Cheese are happy to ride along.

Flint Hill:  W, 11 – 2.  .390, .432, .659;  7 ip, 1 er.  I admit the Flint Hill matter is hard to explain. The Tornados also gained an entire game in the standings in what was supposed to be a catastrophic event for Kansas and everything else east of I-5.  I can only explain it thusly: this is an earthquake so powerful it has unleashed an entire range of natural forces — including a phalanx of powerful Tornadoes, 8 of them with OPSes over 1.000.  Also it helped that Xander Bogaerts was in the same game feasting on the carcass of King Felix to the tune of 4 for 7. Shoot, even Alex Guerrero got a hit. And then there’s the fact that Flint Hill is protected from the coming tsunami by being situated in Kansas’ alpine region.

Peshastin: L, 3 – 6. .257, .278, .457; 0 ip, 0 er.  Just a couple of days ago the King Pear was commenting on how easily he could see sixth place from where he was sitting.  Now thanks to the seismic shaking the EFL has just been through, the Pears find their roots planted in that pleasant location.

Canberra:  “L”,  4 – 4.  .286, .375, .333;  2.7 ip, 1 er.  Here’s a picture of a Bradley-class seismic event just about to happen in our nation’s capital, where (evidently) the Kangaroos were playing.

 

We are all lucky to be alive after that one!

One other Canberran note: in times of crisis we sometimes overlook the little stories.  This time, let’s pause to consider the fate of poor Yonder Alonso. Justin Upton lost control of his helmet (presumably while celebrating teammate Jackie Bradley, Jr’s big day). The helmet crashed into Alonso’s head.  He had to be taken to the hospital for observation.  When the nurse, taking roll, called up “Yonder!”, he was there.

Kaline:  W, 7 – 7.  .316, .381, .579; 1 ip, 0 er.  Whidbey Island really will be toast when the Cascadia Subduction Zone does its big dance. But the Jackie Bradley Zone?  The Drive hardly noticed.  They were too busy celebrating Mike Zunino’s first two hits in August, including a homer.

Portland: W, 4 – 4.  .333, .380, .356;  6.7 ip, 2 er.  Portland straddles I-5, the only EFL team to do so.  This may be why they took the Bradley seismic event with such utter aplomb. Shoot, Scooter Gannett had, in a way, an even better day since he never made an out in his 4 for 4 effort.