League Updates

Answer Man Becomes Asker Man for the Day

September 29, 2015
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On Sunday, Jonathan Papelbon grabbed Bryce Harper by the neck and pushed him hard against the dugout wall.  Apparenly Papelbon thought he needed to teach the young punk a lesson, about not hustling on pop-ups, and not accepting Papelbon’s leadership without protest.  Manager Matt Williams took it all calmly and sent Papelbon out immediately afterward to pitch the ninth inning of the tie game. Papelbon surrendered 5 runs.

The EFL Answer Man is supposed to know answers.  Did it ever occur to you that the EFL Answer Man doesn’t just automatically know answers?

 

Dear Canberra Management:

So do you fire Williams? And trade Papelbon?

— EFL Answer Asker Man

Dear Mr. EFL Anskwer Man:

Yes. Also I fire Rizzo and dump Papelbon for anything I can get.

And, then if possible, I fire Williams again just to be safe.

This Adam Kilgore article is quite good, if you’re looking for more.http://wapo.st/1ViWY9b

— Can

Dear Can:

So you invite Williams into your office.

“Matt, thanks for your work, but I have to fire you as manager.  Would you like to stay as bench coach?”
“Umm.. Yeah, I guess, ok.”
“Great, Matt. You’re hired… and now you’re fired as bench coach. But I need a third-base coach.  Will you accept that position?”
“Umm… well, I do need a job, so… ok.”
“Welcome to the organization, Mr. Williams. The first thing I’d like you to do is turn in your keys and all your business cards and empty your third-base coach desk, because you’re fired.”
“I understand. It’s a business.”
“Yes, and this business needs a manager at, let’s see, Hagerstown. I’d like you to take the job and go whip that team into shape. Will you do it?”
“Depends.  Where’s Hagerstown?”
“Doesn’t matter.  I’m firing you from that job, too.  Although they need a play-by-play man out there.  You want to get into broadcasting? It’s a great place to start a career in…”
“Yes!  I’ll take it! I’d love to be a broadcaster.”
“Sorry, Matt, you interrupted me.  You’ve been broadcaster for 10 seconds and all you’ve done is interrupt.  We can’t have that.  I was saying, ‘It’s a great place to start a career in some other industry.’  In fact, you can start now.  You’re fired.
“Oh, and Matt, on your way out, can you tell Mike Rizzo I’d like to see him?”

— Mr Asker Man

 Dear Anskwer Man:

 Eh, I might make him stay in Hagerstown…

 — Can

—-

I wonder if anything else is happening in the EFL?

EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Haviland Dragons 101 55 .649 — 788.0 579.5
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 98 58 .630 3 795.8 604.7
Old Detroit Wolverines 98 58 .628 3.4 749.1 574.4
Flint Hill Tornadoes 90 66 .574 11.8 788.7 672.3
Peshastin Pears 81 75 .522 19.8 663.4 635.8
Cottage Cheese 81 76 .514 21.1 676.8 665.3
Canberra Kangaroos 73 83 .467 28.4 781.4 842.5
Kaline Drive 68 88 .437 33.1 639.8 730.8
Portland Rosebuds 65 91 .414 36.7 648.0 775.3

Haviland: L, 0 – 5. .156, .229, .188;  7.7 ip, 6 er.  Shhhhh!  You guys, scuffling down there at the end of the bench!  Keep it down!  The Dragons are sleeping.  They deserve a good nap, after the long season and finally wrapping up the EFL championship.

Pittsburgh: L, 1 – 3. .143, .211 .286; 6.7 ip, 1 er.  Chris Carter hit a homer and a walk in three plate appearances, and it wins him an 18% promotion to the big league squad. What if that’s the deciding factor in the pennant race?  Oh wait, I already said a while ago that the Alleghenys’ pennant race was over, so I guess there isn’t a pennant race right now. Of course not.  No need for anyone in Haviland to be alarmed.  You go right back to your well-deserved nap.

Old Detroit: W, 6 – 5.  .276, .323, .517;   12.3 ip, 4 er.  Corey, Corey, Corey! If you’d done better than 6 ip, 4 er, we’d be the team in second place.  Maybe 16 ip, 0 er would have done it.  Come on, Mr. Kluber, you’re the reigning Cy Young winner.  Can’t you do something worthy of such honors? You never see Jonathan Papelbon failing to live up to his reputation, do you?

Flint Hill: W, 4 – 2.  .206, .289, .529; 6.3 ip, 1 er. Maybe the Tornados should acquire Papelbon.  That Xander Bogaerts kid only went 2 for 4 with a double. He’s only batting .325.  He needs someone to push him around in the dugout  a little.

Peshastin: who knows what the score was? The Pears record yesterday was surreal. They did bat a puny .129, .250, .161, reminiscent of the Dragons’ line, but allowed only 4 earned runs in 14 innings — so it was probably a loss, but not a big one.

Cottage: L, 0 – 8.  .182, .217, .182. 0 ip, 0 er. The Cheese copied the Dragon/Pear batting line, but forgot to send out any pitchers.  Or maybe they’re all suspended, like their anointed leader Jonathan Papelbon.  You do realize, don’t you Mr. Head Cheese, that you have NOT yet clinched a .500 record?  This is the EFL!  You could go (-1) and 2 the next five days in a row. Come on!  Hustle!

Canberra: DNP, 1 – (-1). .223, .333, 1.111;  1.3 ip, 0 er.   You know what? Papelbon has a point.  If Bryce Harper had spent the season hustling a little more, you know, making something of himself, the Kangaroos might even have caught the Cheese. I mean, look at this… Harper took Monday off!

Kaline: L, 1 – 4.  .238, .304, .286;  5.7 ip, 2 er.  I haven’t said enough this year about former Wolverine and current Drive Tommy Milone.  He did all the pitching yesterday and turned in another solid job.  On the season he’s 9 – 5 with a 4.04 ERA in 122.7 innings.  That’s not a star, but it’s a valuable piece.

Portland:who knows what the score was? The Rosebud record yesterday was surreal. Monday they batted .176, .263, .294 and pitched 7 shutout innings, which is why they are now have only the 5th best record for winning early draft picks next spring. Those 7 shutout innings were by Yordany Ventura, probably the pitcher in all the major leagues least in need of a Jonathan Papelbon lecture on intensity at this moment.