On Thursday I wrote about premature judgments, using the Mariners as my example. I decided (way too early to be fair or accurate):
- The Mariners are going to lose 100 games this season.
- Jerry Dipoto got way too cute with his offseason moves, acquiring a bunch of players who were available for cheap because of how much you had to squint to see them as being really good. Only one of them looks like he might be as good as Dipoto thought he’d be — Mitch Haniger. The rest have glaring flaws, like an inability to pitch, hit, or field. Or all three.
- The M’s vaunted core — Cano, Cruz, Seager, Hernandez — are all struggling (Felix the least of the four). The odds are that three of those four will struggle all season.
- Dipoto will trade at least two of his four core players, plus some other guys (Iwakuma? Valencia? Ruiz? Segura? Edwin Diaz, if he recovers his form) for prospects. He’ll start in June and still be going strong at the trade deadline.
Some of you may have thought I was off my rocker. Which I was — I usually only get onto our rocker to put my shoes on. But just in case you think I was going a little nutso there, consider this: on Saturday, two days after I made my dire predictions about the Mariners, nationally-known baseball columnist Nick Cafardo followed my lead. He wrote the following:
“Word is circulating that the Mariners may be early sellers if they can’t turn their season around quickly. The Mariners may shift some scouts’ assignments to focus on farm systems if Seattle isn’t in the hunt by June.”
MLBTraderumors picked this up, which is where I saw it, and added speculation about who would be traded, paralleling my own speculations pretty closely.
I’m not telling you this to brag. I just want you to feel proud of the EFL, and of having people in it who break stories two days before the national media should.
Of course, since I made my prognostications the M’s have won three straight. So the universe is bending toward making me look foolish. Which is its unvarying bent. In this case I’d be happy to be proven wrong about the Mariners — and the Wolverines, for that matter, although my hopes are dimmer there: the W’s have only won one straight since then. Assuming they won Sunday. Let’s see…
EFL Standings for 2017
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Cottage Cheese | 10 | 3 | .784 | — | 78.3 | 41.1 |
| Peshastin Pears | 10 | 4 | .699 | 0.9 | 61.4 | 40.3 |
| Haviland Dragons | 9 | 3 | .725 | 1 | 75.8 | 46.7 |
| Kaline Drive | 8 | 4 | .634 | 2.1 | 47.2 | 35.9 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 6 | 5 | .538 | 3.3 | 46.6 | 43.2 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 6 | 6 | .537 | 3.3 | 49.3 | 45.8 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 7 | 7 | .521 | 3.4 | 57.0 | 54.6 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 6 | 6 | .494 | 3.8 | 50.2 | 50.9 |
| D.C. Balk | 4 | 8 | .370 | 5.2 | 55.5 | 72.4 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 3 | 8 | .269 | 6.2 | 32.9 | 54.2 |
Cottage: W, 6 – 2. (.310, .333, .524; 14.3 ip, 4 er). The Cheese are consistently putting up overpoweringly good numbers, like they did Sunday. They have so many resources: Trout goes 0 for 4, but Harper picks him up with 3 for 5 and two homers. Aaron Hicks went 2 for 3 with another homer and a walk. Cheesey pitchers covered a game and a half of innings at a 2.51 ERA. This kind of stuff puts a lot of pressure on anti-fromagian forces.
Peshastin: W, 5 – 1. (.294, .385, .588; 14 ip, 2 er). OK, sure, the Cheese set a blistering pace Sunday, but the Pears actually gained a bit on Cottage. Carrasco and Taillon dominated (13.7 ip, 2 er). Foundlings Mitch Haniger and Trey Mancini combined to go 4 for 8 with three homers, two walks, a stolen base. Also Haniger stole a homer from fellow Pear Joey Gallo, a key moment in the Mariners’ double-come-from-behind win. If these two teams can keep this up all summer, it should be a fun season, at least for objective observers.
Haviland: DNP, (-4) – (- 1). (.091, .310, .091; 1.7 ip, 0 er). The Dragons batted meekly, going 2 for 22, although they did collect 7 walks — three by Neil Walker. Of course. Who got a hit in his other trip to the plate. To break up a no-hitter by a Tornado, being God’s instrument in that case. See below.
Kaline: W 1, L (-1); 4 – (-4). (.357, .429, .524; 5 ip,, 0 er). That offense, coming in heaps via 48 plate appearances, drove the Drive to a nice win/negative loss “off” day. And it probably stored up some value to be released today, setting the Drive up for another good day today. All the pitching was by relievers, including Marc Rzepczynski whose 2017 ERA is still 0.00.
Flint Hill: L, 1 – 4. (.100, .250, .200; 15.3 ip, 10 er). At church Sunday, Jamie gloated that he had two pitchers pitching no-hitters into the 5th inning. How did he know this at 10:50 AM on an Easter Sunday? God made him pay. Trevor Cahill had a no hitter going with one out in the fifth — and ended up with 5.7 ip, 4 er. Dan Straily had a no hitter going with one out in the 6th — when he was pulled from the game! Later Hishasi Iwakuma chulked — 3 ip, 6 er. The Mariners won anyway — see below — but that’ll teach Jamie to look at his phone for baseball scores during Easter services.
Pittsburgh: L, 4 – 4. (.310, .355, .483; no pitching). Phil talks about different forms of speech, including one we don’t hear about very often: performative speech. This is when you say something and in the process make something happen. Phil has married many people by saying so. We do it every draft when we say “I pick Loser Loserpants, and use my $12,000,000 exemption.”
I did it yesterday, when I wrote part of TOMORROW’s post about good baseball names. In that post I said/say/will say the following about Ender Inciarte:
“But my favorite is Ender Inciarte: it rolls right off the tongue like an incantation or a poem. And it’s almost irresistible, that name, like he’s on fire. It fits the man.”
I didn’t know it at the time, but Inciarte’s line for Sunday would turn out to be 2 for 3 with a homer and a walk — good for an OPS of 2.417 to lead the Allegheny offense.
Portland: “L”, 7 – 6. (.355, .375, .613; no pitching). Another team saying “Look, Ma, no pitching!” And pretty much getting away with it because it has incendiary hitting. Not as incendiary as Mr. Inciarte, but good enough, with 5 batters OPSing 1.000 or better.
Canberra: DNP, (-1) – (-3). (.231, .333, .269; 7 ip, 1 er). It took four Kangaroo pitchers to cover 7 ip, but they did it well. Koda Glover led the way with a -3.08 FIP. Adam Eaton was most of the offense (3 for 5 with a double). His teammates need to support him better if they want to win.
DC: DNP, 2 – 3. (.229, .289, .314; 9 ip, 4 er). The Mariners clawed back from being down 6 – 1 when Iwakuma was done, to make it 6 – 6 when I stopped by Phil’s house for a few minutes. We watched Canberra’s Dan Altavilla walk the bases loaded in the top of the 8th with no one out, and somehow escape unscathed. We watched the Mariners go Dragons style — ie, meekly — in the bottom of the 8th. Then I resumed my walk home and listened to Edwin Diaz surrender a winning homer to the Rangers in the top of the ninth. But the Seattle announcers were unfazed. “Don’t worry” they told listeners. “Sam Dyson is coming into the game. He’s been struggling.” Dyson proceeded to fill the bases with no one out. A run scored on a walk to tie the game. Dyson got a force at the plate. And then he got Nelson Cruz to hit a ground ball up the middle, barely within the reach of a diving Elvis Andrus — who could not flip the ball to second in time to get the force, let alone start the DP. So — 0.3 ip, 2 er, raising Dyson’s ERA on the season to 27.00.
Good thing the Balk demoted Dyson a few days ago.
Old Detroit: W, 4 – 2. (.259, .387, .423; 11 ip, 2 er). I almost demoted Tyler Skaggs before the game. But he came to me, pleading for one more chance, promising to put a dent in his 9.00+ ERA. It was Easter, so I had mercy. He pitched 7 scoreless innings! My hitters, inspired, put up only their third decent day of the season, led by Jose Iglesias (3 AB, a double, a walk and a stolen base) and Kyle Schwarber (2 for 3 with a walk). The power of grace! Is that the key, the thing I should be using instead of WAR? I’ll be more impressed if the power of grace ever gets me out of last place.
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Baltimore Orioles | 8 | 3 | .727 | — |
| New York Yankees | 8 | 4 | .667 | 0.5 |
| Boston Red Sox | 7 | 5 | .583 | 1.5 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 6 | 5 | .538 | 2.1 |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 6 | 7 | .462 | 3 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 3 | 8 | .269 | 5 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 2 | 10 | .167 | 6.5 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Miami Marlins | 7 | 5 | .583 | — |
| Washington Nationals | 7 | 5 | .583 | — |
| New York Mets | 7 | 6 | .538 | 0.5 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 6 | 6 | .494 | 1.1 |
| Atlanta Braves | 5 | 6 | .455 | 1.5 |
| D.C. Balk | 4 | 8 | .370 | 2.6 |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 4 | 8 | .333 | 3 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Detroit Tigers | 8 | 4 | .667 | — |
| Minnesota Twins | 7 | 5 | .583 | 1 |
| Chicago White Sox | 6 | 5 | .545 | 1.5 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 6 | 6 | .537 | 1.6 |
| Kansas City Royals | 6 | 6 | .500 | 2 |
| Cleveland Indians | 5 | 7 | .417 | 3 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Cottage Cheese | 10 | 3 | .784 | — |
| Cincinnati Reds | 8 | 5 | .615 | 2.2 |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 7 | 6 | .538 | 3.2 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 6 | 6 | .500 | 3.7 |
| Chicago Cubs | 6 | 6 | .500 | 3.7 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 3 | 9 | .250 | 6.7 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Haviland Dragons | 9 | 3 | .725 | — |
| Houston Astros | 8 | 4 | .667 | 0.7 |
| Kaline Drive | 8 | 4 | .634 | 1.1 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 6 | 7 | .462 | 3.2 |
| Oakland A’s | 5 | 7 | .417 | 3.7 |
| Seattle Mariners | 5 | 8 | .385 | 4.2 |
| Texas Rangers | 4 | 8 | .333 | 4.7 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Peshastin Pears | 10 | 4 | .699 | — |
| Colorado Rockies | 9 | 5 | .643 | 0.8 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 8 | 5 | .615 | 1.3 |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 7 | 6 | .538 | 2.3 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 7 | 7 | .521 | 2.5 |
| San Diego Padres | 5 | 8 | .385 | 4.3 |
| San Francisco Giants | 5 | 9 | .357 | 4.8 |