Quarantine Quonicles

 

This is apparently the Drive way, now. Even when they lose they outscore their opponent. Like a driveway during quarantine, Kaline is parked in first place and is not leaving the house. Even when you think he might be needing to visit the store for toilet paper, you see his garage door open and realize he is so prepared he will never have to leave the house. There is probably 1 years worth of toilet paper on his garage shelving, and he is not sharing it with us. Kyle Lewis had an exceptional night, going 3 for 5 with a HR.

 

 

AVG: 0.243

OBP: 0.300

SLG: 0.351

OPS: 0.651

ERA: 0.00

WHIP: 0.500

 

The Tornadoes don’t do fake losses, we do real losses. The good news is every player who was active got a hit last night. The bad news is they were all singles but one lonely HR from new dad Mike Trout. The Tornadoes are like person in quarantine who seems to be prepared. You look at them and you don’t worry because surely they have enough toilet paper to make it through the pandemic. But it turns out they just like to look like they have everything together, when in reality they have been using old newspapers for weeks.

 

 

AVG: 0.219

OBP: 0.359

SLG: 0.375

OPS: 0.734

ERA: 3.40

WHIP: 2.075

 

The Dragons won again, gaining .3 games on the Driveway Dragons. Carlos Correa went 2 for 3 with a double and Brandon Nimmo had a triple and 2 BBs. Kris Bubic and Alex Reyes pitched just enough innings and with just enough goodness to earn a win for the team. The Dragons in quarantine are they guy down the street who doesn’t have a stockpile of goods, but whenever he goes to the store he finds exactly what he needs. It’s just always there, when others find just empty shelves during their visit to the store. 

 

Peshastin: L, 2-5 (42PA; 6IP)

 

AVG: 0.167

OBP: 0.286

SLG: 0.278

OPS: 0.563

ERA: 3.00

WHIP: 1.333

 

The Pears slipped a little yesterday, falling (like a ripe pear from its tree branch) .4 games behind the Drive. They had good pitching, but very poor hitting. Huascar Ynoa led the staff with 3IP of shutout pitching and Genesis Cabrera didn’t give up a single hit in 1.3IP, but he did manage to give up an earned run (that’s not easy to do!). The Pears in quarantine are the neighbor who has a lot of canned beans when you need toilet paper, and vice versa. Yesterday they needed some good offense, but got good pitching. And thus, they lost.

 

 

AVG: 0.282

OBP: 0.408

SLG: 0.795

OPS: 1.203

ERA: 4.64

WHIP: 1.237

 

The Balk gained .7 games on the Drive, leapfrogging 4 teams in one day. How did they do it? A lot of good, powerful hitting. They hit 6 HRs as a team, with two players hitting 2 each (Tim Anderson and Pete Alonso). Every player who got a hit yesterday had at least 2 hits, and all of them had at least one extra base hit. That’s a great day at the plate! Their pitching was nothing special, but it wasn’t bad, either. The Balk in quarantine are the person who has been making masks their whole lives, just waiting for the day when they would be needed. Now? They have made as much money in two months as they made the past two years total in their normal 9-5 job.

 

 

AVG: 0.324

OBP: 0.395

SLG: 0.811

OPS: 1.206

ERA: 20.77

WHIP: 4.615

 

Cheese hitters were dominant last night. Every batter but two posted a hit, and the combined for 3 2Bs and 5 HRs. Luis Robert led them by going 2 for 4 with 2 HRs. Only one pitcher took the mound, and he shouldn’t have. Jordan Yamamoto gave up 3 runs in 1.3IP. The Cheese in quarantine are the guy who has been stockpiling rice because you can never have too much rice, and if you have nothing else, at least rice will suffice for almost anything. Food? Check. Pillow cushioning? Check. Technological device repairer? Also check. I’m not sure it would work for toilet paper, but the Cheese will figure it out if it is possible.

 

 

AVG: 0.256

OBP: 0.356

SLG: 0.333

OPS: 0.689

ERA: 9.00

WHIP: 2.500

 

The Roos reverted to their old ways of not hitting any HRs, and in today’s game, very few teams win games if they don’t hit a HR (for instance, in yesterday’s games only one winning team didn’t hit a HR – the Astros). Pitcher Touki Toussaint only gave up two hits in 3IP. Unfortunately, he also walked 6 batters and hit one batter on his way to giving up 4 runs. The Roos in quarantine are the guy who has everything he needs to be able to outlast the pandemic, but somehow it us just never where he needs it to be when he needs it to be there. 

 

 

AVG: 0.289

OBP: 0.386

SLG: 0.447

OPS: 0.834

ERA: 11.25

WHIP: 2.500

 

The Alleghenys had another hard day, once again giving up too many runs to achieve an EFL win. The hitting was very good, led by Dansby Swanson who went 3 for 6 with a HR. But the pitching was sparse, and the guys who through were not good, and the Alleghenys lost .3 games on the standings. The Alleghenys in quarantine are the guy everyone looks to for advice to weather the pandemic, because they have had so much success at other times. If you look closely, they are surviving on a diet of canned beans and apples being grown in their yard. But it doesn’t matter, because they have won before and they’ll win again, so you listen to whatever they have to offer. 

 

 

AVG: 0.250

OBP: 0.296

SLG: 0.583

OPS: 0.880

ERA: 10.95

WHIP: 2.297

 

The Cascades haven’t been able to recover from the news that they will be without their star SS, Bo Bichette, for several weeks at the minimum. Brad Miller did his best impression of Bichette, going 3 for 5 with a 2B and 2 HRs – wait, is this the actual Brad Miller or some imposter?!?! – but it wasn’t enough. The quarantine Cascades are the guy who bought enough toilet paper to last his family a few months, but then a pipe burst in his garage and all of it is now unable to be used.

 

 

AVG: 0.310

OBP: 0.429

SLG: 0.379

OPS: 0.808

ERA: 4.50

WHIP: 1.500

 

This is now the 3rd or 4th EFL team who had great hitting yesterday but bad or non-existent pitching. The Rosebuds were led from the plate by Anthony Rendon who went 3 for 4 with a double, and Jorge Polanco who went 2 for 4. But they also, like the Roos, didn’t hit a single HR, and it cost them. The Rosebuds in quarantine are the neighbor no one really pays attention to, because they might be going through a hard time, but they have been in some really high times lately, and everyone knows they’ll be ok.

 

 

AVG: 0.222

OBP: 0.314

SLG: 0.489

OPS: 0.803

ERA: 0.00

WHIP: 1.429

 

The league was greeted early this morning with vitriol from the Wolverines management, angrily sending Lewis Brinson to the bench for the rest of the month after he went 0 for 1. That might seem harsh to you, but OD is having to make drastic decisions these days in order to live up to their proclamation that they would catch the drive in less than two weeks. Well, this morning they awoke to a deficit .3 games greater than it was yesterday, and you can imagine why it would cause ripple effects even after a mere 0 for 1. The Wolverines in quarantine are the neighbor who has put signs all over his yard and posts all over his Facebook wall proclaiming he knows the way to defeat the virus, if anyone would just listen and follow his directives. Maybe one day his players will.

 

 

AL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
New York Yankees	16	6	.727	—
Tampa Bay Rays	14	9	.609	2.5
Baltimore Orioles	12	10	.545	4
Flint Hill Tornadoes	11	11	.517	4.6
Toronto Blue Jays	8	11	.421	6.5
Boston Red Sox	6	17	.261	10.5
Old Detroit Wolverines	5	17	.209	11.4

NL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Atlanta Braves	14	10	.583	—
Miami Marlins	9	7	.563	1
Philadelphia Phillies	8	9	.471	2.5
D.C. Balk	10	14	.425	3.8
New York Mets	10	14	.417	4
Washington Nationals	8	12	.400	4
Canberra Kangaroos	10	14	.411	4.1

 

AL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Minnesota Twins	15	8	.652	—
Cleveland Indians	13	9	.591	1.5
Chicago White Sox	12	11	.522	3
Detroit Tigers	9	11	.450	4.5
Kansas City Royals	9	14	.391	6
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	9	14	.384	6.2
Bellingham Cascades	8	15	.369	6.5

NL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Chicago Cubs	14	7	.667	—
St. Louis Cardinals	5	5	.500	3.5
Milwaukee Brewers	10	10	.500	3.5
Cincinnati Reds	9	11	.450	4.5
Cottage Cheese	9	12	.416	5.3
Pittsburgh Pirates	4	14	.222	8.5

 

AL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Oakland A’s	16	7	.696	—
Kaline Drive	15	8	.665	0.7
Houston Astros	12	10	.545	3.5
Haviland Dragons	11	12	.485	4.8
Texas Rangers	10	11	.476	5
Los Angeles Angels	8	15	.348	8
Seattle Mariners	7	17	.292	9.5

NL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Los Angeles Dodgers	17	7	.708	—
Colorado Rockies	13	9	.591	3
Arizona Diamondbacks	12	11	.522	4.5
San Diego Padres	12	12	.500	5
Peshastin Pears	11	13	.456	6.1
Portland Rosebuds	9	15	.370	8.1
San Francisco Giants	8	16	.333	9