This is not the best EFL post of the day

That honor belongs to our own Aretha Votaw.

I invite you to try to visualize Dave delivering his opus like the original Aretha would.

 

Haviland: W 1, L (-1);  4 – (-9).  I hand-entered the stats last night, just for old times’ sake. The problem with hand-crafted stats is they tend to have errors. So maybe Cueto didn’t really pitch a 9-inning shutout like it says here.

Old Detroit: DNP:  1 -0.  Nice hitting — .231, .333, .538 — but it’s only 13 AB worth.

Pittsburgh:  W, 6 – 4.  Mike Trout woke up after his August nap: 2 for 3 with a double and a walk. It’s that little extra — the walk — that makes Trout Trout.  His OPS is the same as Tyler Flowers’ (2 or 4 with a homer), but since Trout’s OPS is made of .750 OBP and 1.000 slugging, while Flowers’ is only.500 OBP (with 1.250 slugging), Trout consumed fewer outs and so is worth more.

Peshastin: W, 8 – 4. Every single Pear who batted did something good. Anthony Rendon’s 1 for 4 with a walk is the one with an OPS under 1.000.  Jay Bruce: a homer in 4 ab, 1.250 OPS.  New to You Yunel Escobar : 2 for 4 with a Troutian accessory walk: 1.100 OPS. Michael Taylor: 3 for 4, 1.500 OPS.  Yasmany Tomas: 2 for four with a homer and a little extra walk: 1.850.  But the best Pear of this excellent day was…  yes, that man — Welington Castillo: 2 for 4 with a homer and a triple.  A triple.  OPS: 2.250.

Cottage: DNP, (-2) – 0.  The Lamentable Cheese were worthy inspirations for today’s contribution from our Cottage poetry industry.  The bright spot was the debut of the recently acquired Jose Peraza, who had a triple (and a Troutian walk as an accessory) in five plate appearances. I suppose he’ll be the Welington Castillo, now that he’s slipped through the Wolverines’ grasp.

Flint Hill: DNP, 4 – 4.  Joc Pederson, Alex Guerrero, and Michael Conforto didn’t do much – a hit and a walk in 10 plate appearances between them — but the rest were all good:  7 for 13 with a double, triple, two homers and a walk. But then Aaron Harang uncorked 5.3 ip for 8 er to pretty much undo everything the good hitters did.

Canberra: L, 3 – 5. Trout may be awake, but Harper is still napping:  1 for 5. (I just finished a LOOONGGG bike ride, at least 15 miles, half of it on a mountain bike trail.  I’m getting sleepy…)

Kaline:  DNP,  (-2) – (-3).  Chris Owings went 2 for 5.  Everyone else went 0 for 13.

Portland:  L,   5 – 7.  I’m sorry — I just dozed off.  I am supposed to take kids to the pool this afternoon.  I’d better nap.  The Rosebuds didn’t do anything that can keep me awake.