Since (almost) everyone is still interested in the Wolverines…

I am actually a little bit sensitive about how much I talk about Wolverines.  My strategy has been to irritate you enough to get you to write about your own teams.  It’s also a fact that it takes me more time to gin up content about other teams’ players since I am not thinking about them all the time.  I don’t have time these days to think about everyone’s players all the time.

But in this case, I’m going the extra mile. I want to start with a reflection about a Wolverine, a Dragon, and a Tornado. (Yes, I am a compassionate man, willing to include a Tornado to help salve Jamie’s wounds…)

When it was my turn to pick in the rookie draft, my top three choices were Schwarber, Buxton, and Miguel Sano.  Am I kicking myself for picking Schwarber?  Of course not, for these reasons:

1.  As a good utilitarian and/or follower of Christ (they might be the same thing), I rejoice as much in others’ good fortune as I do in my own. (Quit snickering. I’m being very sincere here.)  So why would I regret Buxton and Sano blessing our Kansan teams?  They have little enough of the good life, outside of their baseball teams.
2. Yesterday, here are the respective batting lines of the three:
   •  Schwarber: 0 for 0. On the DL. In pain every day.Out for the year.  Thanks for asking.
   • Buxton: 0 for 0. In pain briefly (HBP). Healthy enough to steal a base.  Did not score, so it was all pointless.
   • Sano: 1 for 4.  Putting his fans in pain. A lone single. Struck out twice.
3.  If you want to rank those performances, it would have been better if Sano had not appeared, ceding his spot to a replacement.  Schwarber didn’t do anything, but didn’t block a replacement.  Buxton was better than a replacement by a mere wisp. There’s nothing yesterday to make me bitter.
4. What about for the season so far?
   • Schwarber:  0 for 4 with a walk and 2 strikeouts: .000, .200, .000. No slugging.  Struck out 50% of the time.
   • Buxton: 4 for 24 with 2 doubles, 0 walks, 1 HBP, 13 strikeouts. .167, .200, .250.  Striking out 54% of the time, hitting worse than a replacement player.
   • Sano: 4 for 28 with 6 walks and 15 strikeouts. .143, .294, .143.  No slugging. Striking out 53% of the time, and hitting worse than a replacement.
5. All that sincere stuff up top about being a good utilitarian/lover of my neighbors? It’s sincere, all right: these are what I aspire to be. But my operative values are, I admit, somewhat baser. I might on occasion rejoice in another person’s suffering.  (Quit snickering.  I am being vulnerable here.)  So why would I regret Buxton and Sano “blessing” our Kansan teams? They have little enough of the good life; why should their baseball teams be any different?

Buxton is the “gem” so far.  With his defense he’s probably worth about the same as a replacement player.  But through the first 5% of the season, Schwarber hasn’t been any more of a bust than the other two, really.  Just 95% of the season to go!

Haviland: W 1, L (-1); (-2) – (-7).  (.167, .212, .143; 14.3 ip 2 er).  Vincent Velasquez!  I worried about the Dragons getting Velasquez (9 ip, 0 er, 16 so).  I worry about it even more now.

Canberra Kangaroos: “L”, 5 – 4; (.143, .419, .286; 8 ip 3 er).  How’d the ‘Roos score 5 runs while going 3 for 21 at the plate?  10 walks. And Bryce Harper’s 100th home run, a grand slam in MLB and in EFL, too, apparently. Jason Kipnis went 0 for 2 with 3 walks and 2 stolen bases to manufacture that 5th run.

Portland Rosebuds: “W”, 2 – 4.  (.172, .200, .172;  1.3 ip, 1 er). Starling Marte went 2 for 5, ad Corey Dickerson 1 for 3 with a walk — but that was about it.  Half the team went 0 for the day. Pitcher Danny Duffy should have stayed home, too.

Old Detroit Wolverines: L, 2 – 6. (.185, .207, .249; 0 ip, 0 er). What pathetic offenses so far for us EFLers!  Mark Reynolds had maybe his first good day (2 for 4 with two doubles).  Nothing else to write home about.

Flint Hill Tornados: L 2 – 3.  (.111, .200, .111; 24.3 ip, 11 er).  Another pathetic offense. Evan Gattis got a single in his only AB.  Byron Buxton got hit by a pitch in his only plate appearance, then stole a base. That was the entire offense.

Pittsburgh Alleghenys:  W, 6 – 1. (.370, .370, . 667; 8.7 ip, 2 er). Now that’s what all of us were thinking when we assembled our teams.  Even Arquimedes Caminero delivered his inning scoreless.

Cottage Cheese:  W, 7  – 7.  (.393, .452, .464; 8 ip, 7 er.) A second EFL team with a great day at the plate.  This is so encouraging. Jay Bruce (!) was the hitting star: 2 for 3 with double and a walk.

Kaline Drive:  W 1, L(-1); 5 – (-4). (.529, .600, .824;  8 ip., 2 er.) Another fantastic day with fine pitching and outstanding offense. Kris Bryan (listed immediately after Bruce on our player list, I think) saw Bruce’s bid and raised it: 2 for 3 with a homer and a walk.  The only drawback: the offensive outburst only covered 20 plate appearances.   We really need at least 30 a day to avoid replacements.

Peshastin Pears: L, 1 – 3.  (.083, .083, .083; 11 ip, 3 er). Whew! What a stinker that was offensively: 1 single (by Rendon) in 12 total plate appearances for the team.  Bleah. But pretty nice pitching! Danny Salazar’s 6 ip, 0 er did not go unnoticed in Old Detroit.

DC. Balk: L, 3 – 8.  (.214, .267, .429; 2.7 ip, 2 er).  The thing about the Balk is this: it took 4 pitchers to cover 2.7 innings.  Three of them did the 2.7 ip. One of them (Delgado) did the 2 earned runs allowed. That kind of division of labor is unusual: all the stinking done by one, all the outs gotten by three others.