The Real Art of the Deal: Part 2

Canberra:  W, 3 – 3. (.133, .133, .200; 2 ip, 0 er.)  Unable to nail down outright agreement for the ‘Roos to step aside — yet — I slyly suggested that the entire team be given the day off — they deserve it, they’ve worked so hard, it will do them good to recharge their batteries, etc.  Chris Davis is out of the loop, apparently, since he went 2 for 4 with a double.  Only three other Kangaroos showed up on the off day, going a combined 0 for 11.  It did my heart good to see all those Kangaroos, relaxing with their families, playing with their kids… Already I’ve accomplished a marked improvement in the quality of life among in Canberra (except that workaholic Davis).

Old Detroit:  W, 7 – 3.  (.381, .435, .381;  0 ip, 0 er).  To reassure the Captain Kangaroo that I had nothing in mind other than the domestic happiness of his players, I had to give all my pitchers the day off, too, and promised to limit batting practice to only a few players and prohibit any slugging whatsoever.  My players were alarmingly ready to comply with the “no slugging” part, but we still managed to sneak 0.3 games closer to the goal.

Haviland: W (-1), L 1: 1 – 3; (.150, .292, .250; 6.7 ip, 6 er).  Vincent Velasquez had a rough day (6 ip, 4 er) and Justin Wilson didn’t help any (0.7 ip, 2 er).  Tread carefully around any Dragons you see. Having Dragons in the neighborhood works best when they’re asleep — as long as they aren’t pretending.  

Pittsburgh: DNP, 5 – 1. (.222, .271, .289; 10.3 ip, 4 er). The Alleghenys are annoying in so many ways. Here’s another: on an agreed-upon off-day, they sent 48 batters to the plate and compiled 10.3 innings. Fortunately the hitters had a crummy day.

Portland: “W”,  0 – 1. (.143, .167, .286; 15 ip, 4 er).  The Rosebuds are young and hungry, and haven’t spent most of the last decade dominating the league, so you can forgive their inability to comply with off-day expectations. Again, the hitters didn’t have their hearts in it, but the pitchers sure did: both Johnny Cueto and Jimmy Nelson held opponents to 2 earned runs in 7 and 8 innings, respectively.

Flint Hill: W, 4 – 2. (.333, .375, .533; 2 ip, 0 er).  Something is creeping me out about the Tornados: Darwin Barney.  Barney has never hit in MLB — in fact, he’s lost jobs with several teams for lack of hitting.  But the T’s scooped him up at our last meeting and since then he’s gone 7 for 17 for a .412, .412, .471 line. That might be double his career line.  How did they do that?  On the other hand, John Jaso’s not thriving in Flint Hill (.702 OPS).  The T’s should free John Jaso. Tell you what — since you’ve shown your magic abilities with Barney, why don’t the Wolverines give you one of their struggling players for you to heal, and you give us Jaso since you aren’t having a positive effect on him?

Peshastin: W, 4 – 4.  (.250, .250, 1.000;  1 ip, 0 er).  For the first time I can remember, a daily update for an EFL team consists of the batting line of one player and the pitching line of one player.  They both did reasonably well — Yasmani Grandal homering (I saw this on TV, Vin Scully calling it) and Cam Bedrosian twirling a shutout inning.

Kaline: DNP, (-1), – (-2). (.281, .324, .438;  4 ip, 0 er).  Another bunch of workaholics on Whidbey Island: 34 plate appearances on an off day.  At least these were solid plate appearances, especially Daniel Nava’s 2 for 4 with a homer.

Cottage: DNP, 1 – 3. (.241, .241, .310;  7 ip, 3 er).  In contrast to his many endearing qualities, the Head Cheese is a slave-driver — insisting on a full-day’s production on an off-day.  He got 29 plate appearances out of 7 batters, and 7 ip out of 3 pitchers.  Jonathon Schoop tripled for the highlight of the day at the Cottage.

D.C.: L, 9 – 11. (.231, .231, .308; 1 ip, 3 er).  Alex Wilson uncorked the smallest possible nonuple chulk (0.3 ip, 3 er) to rain on the Balk’s off-day picnic.  I am right here in DC, and can attest to the dreary, chilly, gray weather they’re having here, I didn’t notice it raining yesterday, although it is raining right now.  The Balk, by the way, don’t seem to have captured the public’s attention here in DC, which I guess isn’t surprising with the Nationals doing so well, and the Kangaroos having their North American offices here.