Cottage Blog

Votaw’s Apology

When I went to college, at a small Quaker school in the Pacific Northwest, one of my first assignments as a freshman was to read “Barclay’s Apology.” I remember buying it at the bookstore. It was a big thick paperback, kind of greenish. My thought at the time was “why so many pages to say ‘I’m sorry?'”

I had to read the book to find out (and pass the class). But — if I recall correctly — Barclay never got around to saying he was sorry. In fact he was not ashamed of anything. He was quite insistent on several points.

Well I am here to finish the job that Barclay never got done. I need to apologize. Because the fact is, I had no idea that my simple decisions, made about 30 miles down the road from the heart of the EFL, would change so many people’s lives. And not for the better. In fact I’ve ruined several careers. Just by making them Cheese. Here are some examples.

To Greg Bird, who promised great things as a stud prospect, until he was picked by the Cheese, and his ankle was hit by a foul ball in spring training, and he missed 5 months of the season, and who is now OPSing .348: I’m sorry.

To Paul DeJong, who was having an outstanding season as the Cardinals’ new shortstop, until the Wolverines cruelly traded him to Cottage, where he is now hitting .219: I’m sorry.

To Starling Marte, who was one of the top hitters in the league, until he too got exiled from Old Detroit and picked up by the Cheese, and as a consequence of that (and the fact that he got off his PEDS, maybe) he’s slugging .324: I’m sorry.

To Bryce Harper, one of the best players anywhere, until he became a Cheese and got injured: I’m sorry. Same to Mike Trout. It wasn’t something I intended.

To the players I benched this month, who were having terrible seasons, but are now OPSing over .900 since they shed their Cheese unis: PHTHBBBT!