Today is an important day on the EFL calendar. It’s the birthday of (to quote a recent update) “my long-suffering wife Melanie, without whose longsufferingness this league would not exist.”
As much as anyone, Melanie is a league founder.
Without her grace, my ability to help run this league would founder.
I am thankful every day that I found ‘er.
When she married me, I was deep into my participation in the old APBA league founded by Don Powers. As a measure of her love, she had a team in that league for one year — the Stillwater Whippets. Teams played each other head-to-head on an old computer tucked away in an obscure corner of a campus building. Melanie’s crowning achievement in that season was a four-game sweep in the last series of the season against a team owned by a current EFL owner — which was just enough to knock him out of the playoffs, and (as I recall) put the Whippets in.
I’ll leave you, for now, to puzzle over who that owner was (put your guesses into the comments) while I puzzle over whether I am remembering it aright. It was a long time ago, the summer of 1998 (I think).
You will notice I have not mentioned what year Melanie was born. Ryan knows. Or at least, he’d better know. Maybe others of you know, too. I think the old practice of hiding a woman’s age is out of date, surely, what with gender equality and all, but I am steeped enough in the old ways to be cautious nonetheless. So I will not tell you what year she was born.
On the other hand, I’ll give you clues.
EFL Standings for 2021
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 85 | 36 | .705 | — | 692.1 | 447.8 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 79 | 42 | .650 | 6.6 | 645.2 | 474.2 |
| Peshastin Pears | 76 | 45 | .632 | 8.8 | 611.0 | 469.4 |
| D.C. Balk | 76 | 45 | .631 | 8.9 | 689.9 | 528.3 |
| Kaline Drive | 72 | 48 | .603 | 12.5 | 648.1 | 529.6 |
| Haviland Dragons | 69 | 51 | .577 | 15.5 | 625.2 | 549.7 |
| Cottage Cheese | 68 | 53 | .563 | 17.1 | 691.0 | 625.5 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 67 | 54 | .552 | 18.4 | 622.3 | 558.3 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 64 | 57 | .531 | 21 | 615.7 | 596.1 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 63 | 58 | .524 | 21.8 | 526.1 | 500.7 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 57 | 64 | .469 | 28.5 | 643.3 | 686.6 |
Old Detroit: L, 6 – 8. (56 PA, .235, .286, .471; 1 ip, 1 er, 9.00 ERA). Well, it finally happened. The W’s had an unambiguously bad day. The W’s somehow squeezed 5.8 runs out of that low-OBP, high SLG line, thanks to two homers by Marcus Semien and 3 hits and a hbp from Austin Riley. The W’s piled up 6 replacement innings to go with Andrew Kittredge’s even worse inning. Only three EFL teams had worse days than the Wolverines.
As to Melanie: normally I think of her as being a lot younger than me, even though I am so young there are 5 EFL owners older and 5 younger. And I believe Melanie may be old enough that, if she were in the league instead of me, she’d also occupy the 6th-oldest pivot point between the old coots and the greenhorns.
Flint Hill: W, 6 – 6. (really, 6.5 to 6.4). (48 PA, .262, .354, .476; 2.7 ip, 1 er, 3.33 ERA). The Tornados hit substantially better than the W’s, and pitched better, too, although they also racked up about 3.5 replacement innings. Still, it was just enough to get a real win (6.5 to 6.4) and move 0.3 games closer to first. Teoscar Hernandez, glowing under the praise Jamie heaped on him yesterday, hit another homer and a double to lead the Flinty offense. Tyler Naquin also homered, and added a single.
On the day Melanie was born, the eventual World Series champions were 6.5 games ahead in the standings, very much like the situation in our league today. That second-place team finished the season still in second place — only 12 games out.
Peshastin: “L”, 9 – 7. (41 PA, .273, .390, .545; 10.7 ip, 5 er, 4.21 ERA). Here we find the first of several teams assessed for a loss by our heartless database, but who actually deserved wins and gained on the Wolverines. Jack Flaherty pitched well… ah but he’s on the VIL. Alas. Freddy Peralta took Jack’s place, finishing 2 innings while allowing 3 earned runs. Relief pitchers added 2.7 scoreless innings.
As for the offense: all 10 Pear hitters reached base safely at least once. Juan Soto, Willi Castro, and Ryan Mountcastle maximized the impact of their one hit by hitting homers. Soto added 3 walks to lead the Pear offense. The Pears gained 0.4 games in the standings.
I believe this was about the time Phil was becoming a Reds fan. Pete Rose went 2 for 4 with a triple on the day Melanie was born, upping his slash line to .344, .398, .482.
DC: “L”, 7 – 5. (35 PA, .231, .371, .414; 3 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA) Xander Bogaerts hit a home run, while Myles Straw doubled, walked twice, and stole a base to help get the most out of a solid offensive slash line. Three relievers covered 3 innings well, but more replacement innings allowed 5 runs to leak through the defense, limiting the Balk’s advance in the standings to 0.5 games.
For some reason, there doesn’t seem to have been an Xanders in the major leagues on the day Melanie was born. No Bogaerts, either. There was a team in Washington, D.C., however, and that team beat the Athletics 4 to 1. That team didn’t have a McMahon in the lineup, but it did have a McMullen, who went 1 for 3 with a walk, almost identical to McMahon’s 2 for 4.
Kaline: L, 8 – 13. (43 PA, .306, .419, .500 — Happy Edgar Martinez Day! 4 ip, 7 er, 15.75 ERA). JT Brubaker, pitching for a demoralized Pirate team getting pounded 9 – 0 by the Dodgers, endured 4 innings while surrendering 7 earned runs, including two Max Muncy home runs. At least the Drive put up a fight. Unlike the listless three singles and two walks the Pirates produced, the Drive got homers from Willy Adames and Hunter Renfroe, plus 9 other hits and 7 walks.
The Drive slipped 0.1 games in the standings, landing at 12.5 games off the pace in fifth place. On the day Melanie was born, the closest 5th place team in baseball was 16.5 games out. So go for it, Drive — you’re 4 games ahead of any 5th place team on the day Melanie was born.
Haviland: “L”, 5 – 4. (31 PA, .231, .355, .346; 12 ip, 7 er, 5.25 ERA). Amed Rosario and Maikel Franco led the offense, each producing a double and a single (although Amed took 6 PA to do it while Maikel took only 4). Five walks provided the extra traffic on the bases the Dragons needed to make 5 runs out of that hitting. On the pitching side, Tarik Skubal set the pace with a solid 6.7 ip, 2 er effort. Jesus Luzardo struggled again (3 ip, 4 er), but relievers eased the pain with 2.3 ip, 1 er. Despite the official loss, the Dragons crept 0.4 games up the standings.
George Brett was a teenager when Melanie was born. She eventually became a Kansas City Royals fan of sorts, but never much of a Brett fan. This was by accident, since her friend on the fifth-grade softball team insisted on claiming Brett as HER player. So Melanie rooted for Darrell Porter and Clint Hurdle, both catchers and (in Hurdle’s case) part-time right fielders, the positions Melanie played.
None of those guys were in the big leagues yet when Melanie was born, but she did end up being a Royals fan, so that’s in her favor. Unfortunately, the Royals did not play on the day Melanie was born, so I have no contemporaneous stats to share here.
Cottage: W, 1 – (-4). (43 PA, .200, .256, .325; 14 ip, 3 er, 1.93 ERA). I may have missed it, but has Abraham Toro gone without getting on base yet this month? He got another hit yesterday, although then he got caught stealing.
Anyway, Toro was not the offensive star… no one was, really. Well, I mean, no one other than Shohei Ohtani and his 40th home run, of course. Or maybe it was Shohei Ohtani and his 8 innings of 1 earned run pitching. Josiah Gray added 6 more innings with only 2 earned runs, but this might be the only place on Earth you can read about that in a Cottage Cheese game summary. Poor Gray — overshadowed by a literally once-in-a-century phenom.
Speaking of overshadowed players, Woody Fryman — known for being traded for the far more famous Jim Bunning, — started against Bob Gibson on the day Melanie was born. He only lasted 2 innings, giving up an earned run, and was pulled even though he’d only allowed 2 singles and a walk. This boosted his season ERA all the way up to 2.32. Gibson pitched a complete game shutout, winning the game 2 – 0.
Pittsburgh: W, 5 – 3. (37 PA, .314, .351, .486; 6 ip, 1 er, 1.50 ERA). Tylor Megill — note the unique spelling of “Tylor” — had a great day for the Alleghenys, the only pitching they got… or needed. With those two Muncy homers, and a 3 for 4 day from Luis Robert, the Alleghenys rolled to a clear win and a 0.6-game boost in the standings. They aren’t quite close enough to terrify the Cheese, but they are close enough to set the fondue pot to bubbling.
Mark W was, I believe, a Pirates fan already when Melanie was born. His Pirates, behind that legendary Jim Bunning I mentioned earlier, got smoked by the Reds, 8 – 3 on the day of Melanie’s birth. Roberto Clemente did not play that day, but Donn Clendenon did, blasting his 14th homer fof the season to account for 2/3 of the Pirates’ runs. Bunning failed to complete the 4th inning, leaving his record for the season at 4 – 13 as of August 19.
Canberra: L, 2 – 5. (37 PA, .212, .243, .394; 4.7 ip, 1 er, 1.91 ERA). Carter Kieboom hit a homer — but it had only a double’s effect, since Mr. K is only 50% active at the moment. Wander Franco had a double, too, plus a walk and two singles to be the real leader of the K offense. But with Vladdy going 0 for 5 and others being lackluster, the Cannie offense lacked luster. The pitching was much better, but also much shorter, and Canberra’s pile of 40 replacement innings added 2.3 more innings.
Ryan was born in April 1984, as the Tigers were marching toward their most recent World Series championship. He doesn’t seem to remember that wonderful season — not MY fault, we watched lots of baseball together that year. But I thought it might be nice to tie the year of Melanie’s birth to Ryan’s timeline by highlighting what a 1984 Tiger did on the day Melanie was born. But none of the 1984 Tigers were active on the day Melanie was born. Not even Darrell Evans.
On the other hand, Mark McGwire was born on the same exact day as Melanie. Happy Birthday, Mark!
Bellingham: L, 4 – 6. (33 PA, .241, .281, .276; 17 ip, 9 er, 4.76 ERA). Rafael Ortega doubled, but there were no other extra bases, neither by hits or stolen bases. The Cascades were lucky to get almost 4 runs out of that batting line. On the other hand, as many Bellingham pitchers appeared as hitters, and they generally did pretty well. They were kind of unlucky to allow almost 6 runs with these numbers. Team defense for the Cascades is 33.2 this month, about 3 points below average, enough to nudge total runs allowed up a little.
There were five shutouts on the day Melanie was born. Boston beat Cleveland 3 – 0, the Cardinals beat the Phillies (as mentioned already) 2 – 0, and the Orioles, Giants, and Twins beat the Angels, Mets, and Yankees, respectively, 1 – 0. The winning pitchers in all those shutouts were Dave Morehead, Bob Gibson, Jim Hardin, Frank Linzy, and Dean Chance.
The Giants- Mets game went 17 innings. Sixteen innings of 0 – 0, then the Giants put a run across in the top of the 17th. Willie Mays went 0 for 6, dropping his slash line to .270, .352, .443. (He got it up to .289, 372, .488 before the season was over.)
Portland: “W”, 4 – 6 (4.1 – 5.8) (32 PA, .290, .313, .452; 2.9 ip, 2 er, 6.21 ERA). The Rosebuds resumed their traditional pattern of outperforming the Wolverines yesterday. After rounding, the final scores don’t look that different, but the ‘Buds actually lost only 4.1 – 5.8, while the ‘Rines were 5.8 – 8.4. It’s enough of a difference to give the Portlies a boost that looks like 0.2 games in the standings.
Four Rosebuds got two hits, with Corey Seager including a homer and and CJ Cron and Gary Sanchex including doubles.
We should probably point to some world news on the day Melanie was born. A superpower was getting ready to send troops into a much smaller country, although on Melanie’s birthday there was still jaw-jaw going on rather than war-war. An official from NASA assured the public that things were looking good for landing a man on the moon before the end of the 1960’s. And there had been unrest in American cities, and would be more within a few days.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2021
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 85 | 36 | .705 | — |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 79 | 42 | .650 | 6.6 |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 74 | 47 | .612 | 11.3 |
| New York Yankees | 69 | 52 | .570 | 16.3 |
| Boston Red Sox | 69 | 54 | .561 | 17.3 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 63 | 56 | .529 | 21.3 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 38 | 81 | .319 | 46.3 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| D.C. Balk | 76 | 45 | .631 | — |
| Atlanta Braves | 65 | 56 | .537 | 11.3 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 64 | 57 | .531 | 12.1 |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 61 | 59 | .508 | 14.8 |
| New York Mets | 60 | 60 | .500 | 15.8 |
| Washington Nationals | 52 | 68 | .433 | 23.8 |
| Miami Marlins | 51 | 70 | .421 | 25.3 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Chicago White Sox | 71 | 50 | .587 | — |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 67 | 54 | .552 | 4.2 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 63 | 58 | .524 | 7.6 |
| Cleveland Indians | 58 | 61 | .487 | 12 |
| Detroit Tigers | 58 | 64 | .475 | 13.5 |
| Minnesota Twins | 54 | 67 | .446 | 17 |
| Kansas City Royals | 52 | 67 | .437 | 18 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 74 | 47 | .612 | — |
| Cottage Cheese | 68 | 53 | .563 | 5.9 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 65 | 57 | .533 | 9.5 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 61 | 58 | .513 | 12 |
| Chicago Cubs | 54 | 69 | .439 | 21 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 42 | 79 | .347 | 32 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Kaline Drive | 72 | 48 | .603 | — |
| Houston Astros | 70 | 50 | .583 | 2.3 |
| Haviland Dragons | 69 | 51 | .577 | 3 |
| Oakland A’s | 68 | 53 | .562 | 4.8 |
| Seattle Mariners | 65 | 56 | .537 | 7.8 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 61 | 61 | .500 | 12.3 |
| Texas Rangers | 42 | 78 | .350 | 30.3 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| San Francisco Giants | 78 | 43 | .645 | — |
| Peshastin Pears | 76 | 45 | .632 | 1.5 |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 75 | 46 | .620 | 3 |
| San Diego Padres | 67 | 56 | .545 | 12 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 57 | 64 | .469 | 21.2 |
| Colorado Rockies | 55 | 66 | .455 | 23 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 40 | 81 | .331 | 38 |
The Jim Bunning clue causes me to guess 1967, and I think I’m probably within a year if that’s not right. The Pirates, Giants, and Dodgers had a three-team down-to-the-wire pennant race in 1966 when the Pirates fell just short to the Dodgers (and finished third to the Giants as well). This was Roberto Clemente’s MVP year. Pirate hopes were high for the next season, and they felt they needed a bit more veteran pitching. The result was a winter trade for the future Hall-of-Famer Jim Bunning. He turned out to be in the twilight of his career and had a disappointing season, as did the Pirates. (I typed the preceding from memory, which not surprisingly turned out to be just a bit faulty when I checked it regarding the year of the Bunning trade. Their key acquisition for 1967 was actually Maury Wills from the Dodgers.)
I remember the Maury Wills trade vividly. My family moved to Oregon in June 1966, so I had to follow the rest of that exciting pennant race from afar, listening to Vin Scully on “clear channel KFI” under my pillow after dark. None of my new friends in Oregon cared about baseball, none of them had a shred of proper respect for the Dodgers — and some of them rubbed it in when the Dodgers lost in 4 games (including Willie Davis’ nightmare three-error game).
Before Christmas, my two favorite players vanished. Koufax retired, and LA traded Wills to the ends of the Earth (ie, Pittsburgh) for Bob Bailey and Gene Michael… nobodies, in my view. Guys I had never heard of. Sure enough, the Dodgers were bad in 1967 and took a long time to get better. From 1967 to 1973 my baseball fandom waned a little more every year. 1974 revived my interest esp. after I got to know Phil, the inexplicable Cincinnati Reds fan, whose team was just a little better than my renewed next-generation Dodgers.